OH one more thing! I absolutely adore writing, not just RP'ing but like short stories and poetry. I figured I'd share something that I recently wrote with you all. (:
DESIRE.
Pleasure.
There are few things that are strong enough to fully support this feeling. After all, I'm only sixteen years old. Some of my friends have found the key... and a select few have also located the trunk. They know of risk, passion, and pain. And because of this, they have also found pleasure.
But that's not me.
I
tell myself that purity is a sacred thing. This doesn't mean I think less of the people who don't share my views. A big part of me is afraid to fully commit to these values, because I'm terrified of failure. Who knows what will happen in the coming years? For now I'll hold on to Chasity. I hope I'll be able to sustain my grasp until marriage.
Even still, there's a bigger part of me that wants to feel. This is where my need for an escape arises.
Suddenly I am an artist at work. My eyelids flutter shut, and the formation of the picture begins.
One stroke.
The sound of the rain taps the windows with a staccato beat. At first the noise is almost inaudible. I am mesmerized by its innocence, but I also find it somewhat troubling. The softness of the rain is also a reminder. Something serious... but I can't quite place my finger on it. An irritated sigh escapes my lips, and I relinquish my body into the sofa cushions. Inhaling sharply, I pull my focus back.
As the speed of the rain increases, my heartbeat follows. At first I'm confused. This is the time of day where the sun should start to fade in the sky. A final reverence before nightfall. Usually, I look forward to this time. Once upon a time I would watch the sunset everyday. I simply found its beauty to be rejuvenating. But that was a long time ago, and things are entirely different now.
Because I'm having a hard time remembering the sun.
The brush hovers above the canvas.
Suddenly the sound of the rain is so overpowering that I feel something ignite inside of me. I can almost smell the fear. My heart is racing, soaring. My body is shaking. Breathe in. Breathe out. I recognize the smell of his cologne.
The tips of his fingers leave a trail of goosebumps as they travel up my arms. There's a sense of genuine concern that surrounds us. I can tell by the way that his touch lingers near the corners of my mouth that he
knows. There's a problem here. I am unhappy, again.
Heavier now, he flattens his palm against my face. Our close proximity has a dizzying effect. I'm instantaneously thankful for the couch beneath me; because I know my knees are supple as jelly at this moment. I can't think straight. My train of thought has been interrupted, and I don't know how to pick it up again. Nothing even matters.
Except for his touch.
And that is the driving force. The heat rises quickly now, and I've never felt more exposed. After another breath the cologne seems stronger. My eyes don't want to meet his. In a moment of desperation, my thoughts plunge straight into despair. But the two of us are in tune tonight - and as his fingers trace my lips I forget about my problems completely.
Now I'm stronger, more confident. My dark brown eyes search momentarily before they connect with his. If I had any home of escaping before, it's now gone. We gaze at each other now, and there's never been more passion behind our eyes. Now his hands are in my hair, and I finally lose it.
The intensity is too much for me.
Discomfort hits me like a rock. He's pulled away, and I'm crest fallen. Deeper and deeper I dive back into myself. My shelter - it's safe here. I'm aware of each tick of the clock. Each more painful than that last, because his touch is gone.
And then his lips are on mine. My lips are on his.
Does it really matter?
All I know is that I never want this intricate dance to end. We're so close, so close now. I feel like a fool for doubting myself.
Because I know that there will be many more nights like this to come. Our lips haven't formed a single sound; but I'm comfortable in the silence. Time passes, and we never break contact. Even after the kiss ends - my lips begging for another - I spend it in his arms.
But then I remember the rain, and I can't help but to doubt. Finally it consumes me, and I'm lost in the darkness.
...
This is a place where everything is deliciously perfect.
My vision isn't clouded by the reality of life here. Instead, I'm free to see things that probably will never happen. And so I plan my escape to this place day after day. Something tells me not to get too attached... but I don't want to give up so easily.
THE END.
